Cogito Ergo Sum

Curriculum Vita [Han Ei CHEW]

2011-04-24T23:34:00.002-04:00

Finally updated the CV for job hunting in Fall.
https://www.msu.edu/~chewhan/

Sign to exit

2011-02-21T22:32:00.003-05:00

Tim Salinas called to say the balls were left at MAC. Of the 10 people on Greenhorns, not one thought to bring the balls back after they were used for warm-ups. The stars are aligning to tell me that it's time to exit the club. I'm tired of doing things for these lads and maybe I should just stop because my presence is stifling their growth. It's not that I think I'm important; the teams will endure after my leave-taking. I get the sense that when I'm around, they don't need to do things that they would usually be doing for themselves. Maybe it's better that I take a step back and let them take charge.

Playing angry

2011-02-21T22:10:00.001-05:00

I've not played angry in 14 years. I did tonight.Volleyball is not fun anymore.

Coach or friend

2011-02-20T21:54:00.002-05:00

I've heard more about coach as friend than friend as coach. I guess my current decision boils down to this dichotomy. I feel that I've done all I can as a friend who coaches. Just like the dads who volunteer to help coach a little league team, there is a limit to how much a friend can teach. To take the team to the next level, I need to be more coach and less friend and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.

With my own students and players, I could be coach first and friend second. It was my job to be coach first. With Posse and Greenhorns, I can be friend first and coach second. If I stay a friend to White, their skills will be refined but eventually hit the plateau. If I up the ante and be a real coach, I need to be prepared to lose friends. I'm not sure I want to be yelling at people or enforcing discipline in the team. It's never been my style but I've also learned that these have their place in a successful team and are rites de passage of mature athletes. If the little shouting and enforcement of discipline I've done in practices grates at them; there's no way I can ever be their coach. What they need is a friend and I've done all a friend can do.

Something else needs to happen before I can be a coach. There's needs to be a mutual understanding that it's not my nature to be harsh but it's one of the strategies in the toolkit of any successful coach. To push the team to the next level, I need that full toolkit.

Even if I have access to the toolkit, I'm not sure I want to wield it again. I'm not sure I'm ready to trade friends to be the harsh coach everyone hates. It just doesn't seem worth the pain at this point in time.

Venimus, vidimus, vicimus

2011-02-20T21:51:00.000-05:00

I mused with Caitlin that in agreeing to coach the volleyball teams, I gave up three things I enjoyed doing for one thing that isn't always enjoyable. No more playing Scrabble with the old ladies at the retirement home, no more honing my culinary skills and no more WOW.

Was this a fair trade? I want to say yes but I'm not so sure tonight. Was this for respect? I had more as a trainer on our National Team. For fun? I'm not perverse enough to enjoy coddling or yelling at people. For appreciation? I seem to be unfazed by both griefing and words of thanks nowadays.

I came, I saw, I conquered. But instead of feeling full, I feel empty. Perhaps there is nothing to give anymore.

Remembering Feb 5th

2011-02-06T10:22:00.002-05:00

A year has passed since Mark Reedy passed away. So much has changed since he left us and today is a good day as any to reflect. When Mark left, I took on a bigger and bigger role in the volleyball club, not just as a coach but a mentor to some of these young lads. The year has made the kinship that I share with Clint stronger. It has made me study harder to be a better coach and most of all, it has re-affirmed my belief that I was born to teach in life. I would be a fraud if I said I did all these things for Mark...I didn't. But the sequence of events was sparked by his death. I wished Mark can still be here to grow with the rest of the guys but I get the tiniest content that he is still making a difference now. Mark Reedy has not been forgotten and I thank him for the gift of helping me be a better person.

Coming to terms with death and life

2010-12-02T20:32:00.002-05:00

Last night, my car slid on ice on a highway and hit a tree. In the seconds before impact, I did experience the existential confrontation. As I was rolling down the ditch, one of the questions I had was whether I have led a good life. It was comforting that the answer was "as good as I knew and know how". Despite the car being in total wreckage, I escaped relatively unscathed. It was a December miracle.

I did think about not being able to see Aiden grow up and not ever having a family of my own but it has indeed been as meaningful a life as I know how to lead.

Current list of publications

2010-11-02T10:35:00.001-04:00

Han Ei CHEW [Updated Nov 1, 2010]

Publications [Current and Forthcoming] - Total: 4

Wildman, S. & Chew, H.E. (2011). Television in flux - Emerging Strategies for the Online Distribution of Television Programs in R.S., Sharma, M., Tan and F., Pereira (eds.). Understanding the Interactive Digital Media Marketplace: Frameworks, Platforms, Communities and Issues. ICI Publishing, Singapore (Forthcoming).

Chew, H.E., Ilavarasan, P. V. and Levy, M. (2010). The Economic Impact of Information and Communication Technologies on Microenterprises in the Context of Development. The Electronic Journal of Information Systems in Developing Countries, 44, Special Issue on ICTs and Development: Theories and Evidence (Forthcoming).

Kuo, C. Y. E. and Chew, H.E. (2010) Beyond Ethnocentrism in Communication Theory: Towards a Culture-centric Approach in G. Wang (ed.) De-Westernizing Communication Research Altering Questions and Changing Frameworks. Routledge (Forthcoming).

Kuo, C. Y. E, & Chew, H.E. (2009). Rethinking ethnocentrism in communication theory: From asiacentricity to culture-centric approach. Asian Journal of Communication, 19(4), 422-437.

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Currently under review for publication - Total: 3

Chew, H.E., LaRose, R., Steinfield, C. & Velasquez, A. (2010). The use of online social networking by rural youth and its effects on community involvement.

Steinfield, C., Chew, H. E., Tong, S. T., & LaRose, R. (2010). Connecting rural enterprises. The role of ICTs in generating social capital for rural business clusters.

Chew, H.E., Ilavarasan, P. V. and Levy, M. (2010). Time tells: A latency effect in the economic impact of mobile phones on microenterprises.

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Conference papers - Total: 9

Chew, H.E., LaRose, R., Steinfield, C. & Velasquez, A. (June 2010). The use of online social networking by rural youth and its effects on community involvement. Paper presented at the 60th Annual International Communication Association Conference, Singapore.

Levy, M., Chew, H.E. & Ilavarasan, P. V. (June, 2010). The economic impact of information and communication technologies on microenterprises in the context of development. Paper presented at the 60th Annual International Communication Association Conference, Singapore.

Chew, H.E. (2010). Should I stay or should I go now? Poster presented at the 2nd Michigan State University Graduate Academic Conference, East Lansing, MI. [Top Poster Award]

Chew, H.E., LaRose, R., Steinfield, C. & Velasquez, A. (2009). The use of online social networking by rural youth and its effects on community involvement. Paper presented at the National Communication Association conference 2009, Chicago, United States.

Steinfield, C., Chew, H. E., Tong, S. T., & LaRose, R. (2009). Connecting rural enterprises. The role of ICTs in generating social capital for rural business clusters. Paper presented at the National Communication Association conference 2009, Chicago, United States.

Chew, H. E. & Detenber, B. H. (2009). Media primes and their effects on bicultural individuals. Paper presented at the 59th Annual International Communication Association Conference, Chicago, United States.

Kuo, C. Y. E, & Chew, H.E. (December 2008). Rethinking ethnocentrism in communication theory: From asiacentricity to culture-centric approach. Paper presented at the De-Westernizing Communication Research: What is the Next Step? Conference, Taipei, Taiwan.

Kuo, C. Y. E, & Chew, H.E. (October 2007). Rethinking the asiacentric agenda: Transcending polarizing approaches in the search for 'Asian' communication theories. Paper presented at the China Communication Forum 2007: Harmonious Society, Civil Society and the Media, Beijing, China.

Detenber, B. H., Chew, H. E., & Chan, Y. M. (July 2002). News framing and its effects on perceptions of ethnic groups and ethnic differences. Paper presented at the XXV International Congress of Applied Psychology, Singapore.

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Currently under review for conferences - Total: 2

Chew, H.E., Velasquez, A. & LaRose, R. (2010). All social capital is local: Beyond the displacement and augmentation hypotheses of online social capital. Paper submitted to the 61st Annual International Communication Association Conference, Boston, United States.

LaRose, R., Bauer, J. M., DeMaagd, K., Chew, H. E., Ma, W. & Jung, Y. (2010) Public Broadband Investment Priorities in the United States: An Analysis of the Broadband Telecommunications Opportunity Program. Paper submitted to the 61st Annual International Communication Association Conference, Boston, United States.

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Conference paper in progress - Total: 1

Do ICTs really matter for the economic well-being of microenterprises? [with Levy, M. & Ilavarasan, P. V. ]

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Grant proposal under review - Total: 1

Does being Facebook friends with Vivian, Yam Keng and Ser Luck make youth more Singaporean? A study of Facebook use by Singapore youth and their sense of belonging [with Li, J. , doctoral student at Nanyang Technological University, Singapore] Grant requested from the Singapore National Youth Council: 21,000 SGD

My quirky Spartan fam

2010-10-28T19:35:00.001-04:00

On February 5th, 2010, a Michigan State University volleyball player from Bloomfield Hills was killed in a car wreck in Indiana. Eighteen-year-old Mark Reedy died when his car lost control and crashed into an oncoming pick-up truck[i]. When I heard the news, I wept harder than I ever had in years before I could compose myself to meet the rest of the volleyball team. Mark was a well-loved member of the team on which I play. Strange as it seems, the team has been my family away from home since I joined in 2009 and it has been more than family since Mark’s passing.

Finding family among undergraduates ten years younger than me was not something I anticipated when I signed up. I had simply wanted to play some volleyball to keep fit. Knowing how different I was, I did not expect to make many friends. I’m quite sure that I’m still the oldest member the club has ever had, and truth be told, I have played volleyball since before many of my teammates were a twinkle in their parents’ eyes. I am also different because I speak funny English; one that’s partly acquired from watching American sitcoms and partly from learning the Queen’s English back in Singapore. In short, I was the awkward dork trying to find his way in a place he was terribly over-aged for.

When I first joined, I tried keeping up a veneer of nonchalance about fitting in. I guess even at my age I still had some social awkwardness, an awareness of how different I was and as much as I hated to admit it, the fear of rejection. I kept a wall up and rationalized to myself that this was necessary because it would be easier to leave the team should my studies require it. But the rest of the team would have none of this nonsense. It didn’t take very many practices before I was christened “Pops” and on that day, I knew I’d found my place on the team. Somehow, they had found a way to look past how different I was and accept me for who I am and what I can bring to the team. Till this day, I am still the over-aged defensive specialist who can give the youngins’ a run for their money.

The mere acceptance I had found with the team did not stick for long. Mark’s untimely demise hit the team as we were preparing for our spring tournament. Once we knew of his passing, the coach had the team meet at his house. Little did the rest of the team know that before we met, I had spent all my tears because I wanted “Pops” to be there for this group of brave young men. Little did the rest of the team know that years before Mark’s death, I had lost a best friend who had taught me how to play volleyball and a student whom I had nurtured in the sport. Both had passed away unexpectedly and Mark was the third. The grief was no less overwhelming the third time around and perhaps even more debilitating because it had reopened old wounds. Yet, this time, an inner voice told me that this was perhaps happening for a reason. Perhaps my experiences with grief in the past could be the strength for others who were dealing with it the first time round. Perhaps it was time to come out of my shell. And come out of my shell I did that night. I shared my grief despite knowing that some of the things I said would not be completely understood. I talked about Mark. I talked about how the sorrow would come to different people in different ways. I talked about how we had to be strong for Mark’s parents who were the most affected. “Pops”, one of the most reticent of players on the team, bared his heart and told all that night.

I think in the telling and sharing, I forged new bonds with my American brothers. This group of brave young men has since become my quirky Spartan fam[ii]. There is Clint who gives me a hard time when I can’t park my car right or when I pronounce my words wrong…but he will gladly eat all the food that comes out of my kitchen. Then there is Money who yells at me during practices to get my posterior moving…but he’s also the one who would nag me to take better care of my old injuries. There is Kyle who is always busy with school but who has welcomed me into his home. Finally, there is Matt, the athletic trainer who I always go to for advice on how to treat my numerous injuries. The team is way too big to list in this short essay but in the months that we’ve been together, I’ve come to think of them as my quirky Spartan fam. We watch volleyball games together, we eat at Brody’s, we yell at one another, we fight, we make up, we eat at SnyPhi and then fight some more. But most of all, we play good volleyball for State together.

There is a Latin saying that goes: primum vivere, deinde philosophari: You’ve got to live before you can philosophize. Who would’ve thought that a Singaporean graduate student would be hanging out with a bunch of American jocks? Who would’ve thought that my past grief from 10, 000 miles away could help me offer comfort and support to those who have had to experience it too young. Who would’ve thought that I would be learning to call it the “trunk” of the car instead of the “boot”; to differentiate a beer bong from beer pong; and how to live college life to the fullest (again) from those who are at least a decade younger. When I left my homeland, all I wanted was my doctoral degree. Now, I’m going to get my papers and come away with so much more.

So let the professors call me crazy for trying to balance graduate studies and volleyball practices, let the family scream at me when they see my bruises on Facebook, let the naysayers tsk at me and tell me that I’m not eighteen any more. My quirky Spartan fam has broken down my defenses utterly and has a permanent place in my heart. If I could choose to go to any college in America, I would still choose to be a Spartan and be part of this family because…in my shoes…the miles I’ve walked would have been so much less meaningful had our paths not met here on the banks of the Red Cedar.

[Submitted to the 2010 OISS International Essay Contest - might not win a prize but it felt really good to pen down my thoughts. Thanks to Caitlin and Heather for vetting the first draft]

[i] http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/22484486/detail.html

[ii] Fam – colloquialism for family

Fall is the season for remembrance

2010-09-06T22:20:00.003-04:00

Mark called and we talked. "Fall is the season for remembrance" and it is indeed. 20 years since Weiming passed away, 5 since Jonathan chose to end his life, less than a year since Mark Reedy was taken away from us. A friend who taught me volleyball, a student I nurtured in volleyball and I teammate I enjoyed playing the sport with, all taken away before their time. I knew this time of the year is always terrible to get through and it didn't help that Clint asked if I would get a tattoo if he died. I don't think my heart could bear that sorrow. Not him, not Kyle, not any more of those I hold dear. So I snapped at him because I was miffed at Matt Lang for dumping his friend for us to carry in the games. It's such a small thing and nothing I couldn't have shrugged off any other time but I was barely holding it in. It's almost laughable now that I think about it but I'm too morose to indulge in the ludicrosity of the childish outburst.

I sent an apology, took a long walk on campus and had a long hot bath. Fall is the season for remembrance. As Mark remembers his high school buddy who died in the World War and I remember my fallen comrades from the sport that is so much a part of my life, we share in our remembrance of our dear friends. For me to live while they are gone is a gift and so long as I have this gift, I will continue to make a difference in the lives of others. Thank you Mark. For your assurance that a few tears is not inappropriate in our remembrance of those we lost. Thank you Mark for sharing your story. I am a better person for having shared the gift that is your story.

Mark's postscript to me: I'm not 20 anymore. Remember that.

Feeling the age

2010-05-30T14:28:00.003-04:00

It was a fantastic day at Grand Haven, MI, a beach that I would definitely revisit before I leave Michigan. The sun was great, the water was refreshingly cold and the beach was one of the best I've seen in Michigan. The spectacle of 20 courts and more than 300 people playing beach volleyball was quite an eye-opener. Fricano's pizza, treats from the cooler box and a malt from the dairy store when we came back to EL made for an almost perfect day at the beach.

An almost perfect day except when I stepped on the beach volleyball court after sitting around for an entire day. The net that seemed high from the sidelines rose another foot when I trod on the sand and after 5 plays, I was panting. heavily. The realization that I was de-conditioned for beach was disappointing, very disappointing, I think my mental note was: there seems to be a great difference between what I think I can do and what I can actually do. Today, there's a lingering sadness that I once "had" it.

3pm May 30 - and just as I was moping about "losing it". Clint put up the pictures from yesterday and we started chatting. I think it's as much the de-conditioned body as well as my foible of setting myself for disappointments - aiming too high and falling short seems to be on the menu these days. This needs to be rectified.

10 Darnest Things I did at MSU

2010-04-25T21:05:00.003-04:00

I meant to start this list up for ages but I think the list has gotten long enough that I can start a working one:

#1 - Trying to keep my hamstring injury from my room mate, straightening up ever time I pass by her door to get to the bathroom.
#2 - Jumping fully clothed into the pool when it was 40 deg F with Suzie Hill. That was after imbibing about 7 tequila shots one Halloween.
#3 - Drunk dialing Clint and telling him that I thought one of the volleyball girls is cute after 5 Tequila shots at roomie's tequila party.

Totally legit evening

2010-03-28T02:04:00.002-04:00

The epitome of my culinary journey for this semester - a 7-course dinner for 6:

Appetizer: Bacon and cheese spread
Soup: Butternut squash with mascapone cheese
Entrees: Spatchcock game hen, beef brisket, stewed vegetables and potato pancakes (latkes)
Dessert: Chocolate bread pudding and Mont Blanc

I think that's the volleyball team covered for this semester. Time to hang up the apron for dinner parties. I'm so done cooking meals that take an entire day and then some to prepare. Totally exhausted by totally worth it cuz nearly all the food was eaten.

Watched "The Blind Side" with Caitlin and it was awesome. Sandra Bullock was my first and will always be my favorite actress. Totally legit evening.

So hard to be positive about this

2010-03-21T00:30:00.002-04:00

As a mentor/teacher/coach, I particularly hate finding myself in the situation when I can only see my charges flounder and not be able to help. I was at my wits' end when I saw my team sink into a downward spiral in moral and confidence today at the FSU tourney. Being unable to do anything when the passes went flying just felt terrible.

I thought I was good at motivating my charges but I certainly wasn't eloquent enough today. I wanted to tell them that they were boxing themselves into this self-defeating frustration at themselves but I couldn't get the point across. Meh, I was boxing myself in. Every time there was a missed pass or dig, I kept thinking I could make a difference if I were playing. I miss digging those hard driven spikes and diving for the tips. I really miss playing. I really wanted to turn the team around after Mark's untimely departure. It's so frustrating when it seems that all the time and effort that has gone into thinking about practices and drills has come to naught.

I hate this torn hamstring. I hate not being good enough to help them be better. I hate second guessing myself and my chosen path of a teacher. It's just so frustrating when I feel I've failed them. I hate pretending that this team means less to me than it really is. If I found this team because the Greater Mind thinks I have a purpose here, I really need to find that purpose soon. It's so hard to stay positive about things and I miss being part of a more more winning team.

Going to bed without the pills will be so tough tonight and I really need to wean myself off them soon.

Spring break 2010

2010-03-14T22:59:00.003-04:00

Highlights of spring break 2010. Tame by American standards but just awesome by mine. Spring break started with repainting the car on Friday. It wasn't too shoddy a job and the car looks way better, at least the brown, green and blue paint have been redone.

The physical therapy sessions were just awesome and helped so much in the mobility. I can now move without wincing and is less reliant on the pain meds now. I found out last week that I can set balls within a 1-foot radius. Compared to a week ago with the spectacular hematoma, this feels great. I'm hoping for another miraculous recovery week and maybe, just maybe I can play on Saturday.

Got a lot of work done. The USDA work and assignments were all completed and I think I'm pretty much ahead of the curve this time round. In the zone, man. In the zone.

The icing of the spring break was the dinner with the volleyball guys. The menu was a warm cheese & bacon dip served in a bread bowl for appetizers. Butternut squash soup. Oven baked ribs (recipe from Alton Brown) and a Mont Blanc dessert (chestnut puree) courtesy of Madame Levy of Wind and Wood. It was the first time I made Mont Blanc and I had to make 2 Food 911 calls to Diane to ask about what to do. Notes for that recipe. It takes way way longer than the 30min indicated by the recipe. But, it turned out well after being chilled and topped off with copious amount of whipped cream.. I know self-praise is no praise but It was a delicious dinner if I say so myself. I'll call that the best meal I've prepared so far.

Prelim Paper

2010-03-02T10:32:00.003-05:00

This idea excites me: Desperate Housewives and the Young and the Restless.

I followed Kanni's FB status and found a story about housewives at home with nothing to do.

This is better: When the Young and the Restless meets Desperate Housewives

The call from mom

2010-02-25T21:46:00.002-05:00

Mom called and said she loves me. Third time I've heard that as far back as I can remember. Tonight is a special night.

I surprised the doctor!

2010-02-25T21:41:00.004-05:00

2nd visit to Olin in 2 weeks. Noteworthy exclamations from the doctor:

"Oh my goodness, you said that haematoma was spectacular, but this was nothing I expected."

"This is something to show a medical student, if I had one around."

"You really did a number on that hamstring, Pops!"

It's been too long

2010-02-25T15:05:00.004-05:00

The blog has become my online refuge. Too many people are lurking on FB and news spread ridiculously fast in my social networks even if I don't make my posts public.

I only half listened to Kim during class today. I learned the main points but what I really wanted to do was to get out of class and write "It's been too long since my body was pain free." Not since the accident October last. I'm reminded of the prophecy that has been made of my journey to the US: I'll complete it for sure but the road will be tough. Perseverance is necessary and endurance will eventually bear fruit. I just didn't know that the endurance was for physical pain. Who would have known?

Volleyball - Love of my life that hurts so bad

2010-02-25T11:01:00.002-05:00

I need to expand on this post when I get the time but I just thought it so ironic that something that I love so much can also bring so much pain and sorrow. The game has been with me since I was 13 and 20 years later, it has helped me grow, made me some of the best friends I know, gave me the opportunity to teach and spread my passion to others. It has also brought me so much physical pain and two very emotional scars. I'm just in such a pensive mood lately, it's probably bad for health.

Log of major injuries

2010-02-23T14:01:00.002-05:00

Oct 2009 - Car accident. Right knee
Dec 2009 - Right ankle. Crash on court with Chewy
Feb 2010 - Hamstring partial tear. Didn't keep myself warmed up between games.
Feb 23 2010 - A very frustrated and dazed Han Ei. Doddering around MSU campus in the a drug and pain induced stupor. SILENT SCREAM AT THE CROSSROADS!

Injured...Again

2010-02-23T13:56:00.002-05:00

This last year has been plagued by injuries. I pulled my hamstring at the CMU invitational and damn it, we could have done so much better if I were stronger or were more careful about pushing my limits. The right hamstring looks so mangled now I'm scared to imagine how much internal bleeding that was and might even still be going on there. The back of the thigh is like purple and the bruise is spreading to the entire leg. I hate my weak body and I'm so miffed because I had spent so much time training my lower body. This is all so frustrating. I don't want to be just a trainer during practices; I've done so much of that already. I want to compete while I still can. Damn it, I really have to be better about keeping myself warmed up between games. Hearing the hamstring tear was frightening. Waiting for it to heal is agonizing. The acupuncture helps but even the care that Dr Tan is putting into the needles will take time to make it better. ARRGGGGGHHHH.

Need to be stronger to fulfil a promise

2010-02-18T23:00:00.006-05:00

I give you my tired, my sore, my mangled body yearning to be strong once more. The wretched remains of my once whole core. I send this, the mourning, grieving soul to you. Lift your lamp that I may find the way to the golden door.

Give me strength to fulfill a promise please.

Face in the crowd

2010-02-13T01:58:00.002-05:00

I thought I saw a familiar face in the busy restaurant today, realized it was impossible and finally fessed up to myself that I miss the kid more than I'm willing to admit.

Remembering Mark Reedy

2010-02-07T03:08:00.004-05:00

Dear Mark,

You were on my mind last night when I went to bed reading a volleyball book. I bookmarked ideas for our practices and was eager to get to try the new drills on Monday so we can improve as a team. It saddens me greatly that this will not happen now.

I was going to invite you over for dinner with Money, Matt and Kevin. I thought we were going to have a ball this semester and compete together. Again, these plans that I've not had the chance to share with you will not come to fruition. I wished we have had more time to create great memories together.

Brief as our friendship has been, I will remember you for your kindness and your unflappable spirit. Like your other friends, I will remember you for that infectious smile you've always had on your face. Thanks for always calling me Han and not Pops or Old man. I know these nicknames are terms of affection and yet your big heart chose to call me Han. I appreciate that gesture of kindness. You were always the perfect gentleman.

We ofttimes laughed at you, but never out of malice. I'd like to think we're laughing with you. We all make mistakes on the volleyball court and laughing about them just makes shaking them off and learning from them easier. What I find admirable about your spirit was that no matter what happened, you were out there learning and playing to the best of your ability. Practices would not be the same without you.

You leave behind a team who will rally behind your indomitable spirit and unfettered love for the sport. You have touched this old man with your kindness and I will play my games for State in honor of your passion for the sport. Dear Mark, you are and will be sorely missed. Rest in peace, friend.

To Mr and Mrs Reedy, you've raised a fine young man. He loved and respected you and he was loved and respected by his peers. He was taken away from us in his prime but know that his legacy lives in our memories. He touched all who knew him and we will always remember his kindness, love of the sport and his indomitable spirit. I am very sorry for your loss.

Posse report card

2010-02-03T15:38:00.003-05:00

Training with the MSU men's volleyball club has gone on for a month and we got into the playoffs at the UoM tournament. So Posse is now (1-4) this season, CMU-B[W: 20-25 25-21 19-17], Oshkosh -B[L: 12-25 14-25], Oakland [L: 22-25 17-25], Michigan Alumni [L: 23-25 15-25], CMU-A [L: 20-25 10-25]. 8 on the team now meaning that we don't have a very deep bench, actually, we don't have a bench.

Pops plays Libero, Kyle is the DS, Kevin sets, Matt and Chewy are middles by default since they are the tallest, Andrew plays outside and Money & Mark alternative OH and RS. My assessment of the strengths and weaknesses of each position:

1. Kevin: Serves well. Plays good defense and can set well if passers are doing good. Has a tendency to wait for balls to die at the net instead of jump setting. Is not comfortable setting quick tempo balls to middles yet.

2. Matt & Chewy: Tall and can do stationary blocks. Have problems getting to the outsides for a double block after jumping middle. Can't do transitional quick tempo plays.

3. Andrew: Consistent hitter, best passer. Has a tendency to force bad sets into the net rather than keeping them alive. If mental notes are right, his hit rates are much higher when someone else digs the first ball.

4. Money: Consistent hitter, very good passer. Serves tend to be easy or have high error rate. Hitting style favors right side. Can pick up the setting duties when setter has been committed to defense. Problem is when he plays RS, the team loses one of the better passers on the team.

5. Mark: Has good snap on the wrist as a hitter. Can jump high on blocks. Court awareness somewhat lacking.

6. Kyle: Can pass well if balls are hit at him. Has problems with forward and side movement. Overarm pass can also be improved.

7. Pops: I dig better than I pass. I need a lot of warm up to be ready to pass. I can anticipate where attacks will be but I need the blockers to be in position. Still new to team's defensive strategies.

For the Chicago tournament this Saturday, I would be inclined to have Money play RS BUT pass. Mark plays OH BUT DS subs OH. This might screw up the formation quite a bit but I think it's something the team can definitely work towards.

Awesome weekend

2010-01-17T13:23:00.003-05:00

The Martin Luther King weekend is a happy one for me.

It started with dinner with the Levys which is always lovely and I got to see Bosley again.

Saturday began with Scrabble at Friendship Manor and a new/old guy revisited the club and we sparred. Apparently, he was the top dog and there didn't seem to be enough challenge in the club so he stopped going for a while. He left 0-3 and I was 3-1. I'm cursed against Doris who will do inane things and still pull better than I can. Besides losing to Doris (again), the other low point of the game was play KAOLIN from the AEIKLON rack, leaving E. KAOLINE is good. EGAD. Nevertheless, I made the best play since coming to the U.S. ESOPHAGI off a dangling P, H was a blank. It was like OMG. I finally played it AND hooked a VETO on top a turn later forming OESOPHAGI. The rush was as exciting as digging a hardcore spike or finding an R-square of .7. CHEAAA! What a day for Scrabble.

The day did not end there. It was a mad afternoon in the kitchen preparing a full course dinner minus the dessert for the volleyball guys. On the menu was the MSU cheese plate, shrimp stuffed eggs for appetizers, mushroom soup and country captain. Caitlin made brownies. I don't know how mummikins and Diane do it but I was exhausted after 3 hours of watching over pots and saucepans and the oven. The food wasn't perfect but it was still an accomplishment to cook a full dinner for 6. Matt, Frog and Clint got called away to a second party and the OPs had tea and a fireside chat. There are days when I feel my age and after the rush of the kiddos, I was glad to just sit and luxuriate in good company and a calming cup of tea.

Word came Jim Katz this morning that both my ICA papers were accepted. JOY! I'm so pumped that I'll get to go back to Singapore to hold Aiden. I must get him that cookie monster costume from Walmart!

Now that the festivities are over, I need to work on the papers. If I can finish my entry paper for the qualitative class, analyze data for Mark and write to Chaitali about progress on the data analysis, this would be the best weekend ever. To the statistics package!

EMO Chew

2010-01-14T23:36:00.007-05:00

This was supposed to be the 3rd emo FB status update: If I had to wear my heart on my sleeve these days, it'll take a box of safety pins and many pieces of duct-tape.

Pretty poetic if I say so myself. Why so emo one might ask? It's almost laughable really. The volleyball team I was supposed to play on is falling apart with half the team quitting because they need employment. It's really kinda sad since I was looking forward to regular trainings again after the sojourn from the multiple injuries. Just when the weights training seem to be rehabilitating the knees, shoulder and back AND as the ankle seems to be recovering enough to make training possible, the news came that we might not even play this season.

It's kinda silly that I care so much cuz the kids on the team are at least a decade younger than me and I've barely played with them for 2 months. Somehow, this team grew on me in a different way than the other teams I've played with. The ones formed with peers seemed more...matter-of-fact. This team has a edgy feel to it that's reminiscent of VJ volleyball guys 1993-1994, the years we took home the National bronze medals when nobody expected us to. The last time I looked forward to training so much after a hard day's of classes was ONLY 17 years ago. When I was ONLY half my age.

Call it a mid-life crisis; call it denial of old age; call it a refusal to grow up. The heart aches for the thrill of competition with a real team that has unfettered exuberance and unconstrained zest for life. We might not have won many games, we might not have played with much finesse but we would have put on some awesome fights that would have created beautiful memories of my time as a Spartan. I hanker not of glory or of reliving the good old days. I mourn for the passing of the opportunity to make new memories.

Where to buy K9 Natural in Singapore?

2010-01-01T22:23:00.002-05:00

I never thought my blog would ever be put to commercial use but sigh...it's the father of my adorable nephew.

K9 Natural is now distributed by Howlistic Life in Singapore

2010-01-01T12:37:00.003-05:00

So my training at Michigan State is gonna be put to the test this year and I'll be helping my brother establish an online presence using social networking tools. I should have paid more attention to what the operations team was doing with FB ads and Adsense. I begin 2010 with doing what I dread doing most - spamming. But I'm doing doing this only because it's family:

Dear friends, I'll really appreciate it if you can become a fan of my brother's new business: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Howlistic-Life/201826623661?ref=ts#/pages/Howlistic-Life/201826623661?ref=mf. It's a pet food company and he's just starting out as a budding entrepreneur. THANK YOU!

End of spam. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Peace out.

[Yes I edited the title of the post too cuz it will affect the Google searches lol]

Remembering those departed

2009-12-28T23:12:00.004-05:00

A sense of quiet and sobriety settled as I read the story of Jason Wildman - a young man who I've only heard in passing. It was then that a faint memory stirred. Two years ago, I did hear about his passing from a colleague back in Singapore. It's odd that his death did not touch me two years ago as it is doing now; for I sit in his parents' home that is filled with loving pictures of him and his family.

It now makes sense to me how I've always felt a tinge of familiar sadness in Susan's eyes when we talked. It is the same sadness I remember in the presence of Jon's mother. Jon was one of my students who went before his time, leaving friends who grieved and a teacher who will always remember him. Across thousands of miles and while they are complete strangers, Susan and Jon's mother both still grieved for their sons. And now I feel that I understand Susan a little better.

My loss can never be as great as a Mother's but I remember my own heart-wrenching sadness and the constant questioning of "why" when the wound was fresh. Even though time has been restorative, the scar always remains. I think of Jon and what he would be doing now if he were still around - Jon, would be a freshman in college. And then I think of where I'll be now had his death not jolted me to pursue my dreams anew. I won't be here, sitting here in Michigan, remembering those departed.

Getting to know Jason today has made a difference in my life. It has re-affirmed my purpose in life: To make a difference in others - one person at a time. I cannot reach out to all my students or others that I meet in Life but I jolly well try and try I will to share my love and concern to others in the world. I have been blessed in life and I'll try my hardest to make sure that my gifts have not been granted in vain.

Hello Jason Wildman. It is my pleasure to have gotten to know you. Thank you for helping me remember and for being a beacon shining the way forth. Rest in peace, friend.

Julie & Julia

2009-12-13T22:18:00.004-05:00

It was one of the best nights I've spent with Caitlin in our apartment exchanging early Christmas gifts. We cooked our own dinners - ribs and pasta for her and pan fried salmon with tomatoes for me. The home-cooked dinners were very appropriate considering that we settled on the couch and watched Julie & Julia (my Christmas present for Caitlin) while munching on chocolate chip cookies she baked for Joe Walther's class tomorrow.

I could totally relate to parts of the movie. When the day gets crazy and things are not happening as they should be, there is some comfort in cooking and knowing that when you add egg yolks to a dish, it will be thickened.

It's awesome to have a wonderful roommate like Caitlin and I'm very thankful that I'm blessed with her.

Busted Ankle

2009-12-12T20:24:00.003-05:00

First game, first set of my time with the volleyball team and I busted the ankle when Chewy and I both went for the ball. This is the worst sprain in a long long time. Well, at least I'm getting the injury out of the way. There's a month's rest before training resumes so the injury won't affect my game in a big way. I just have to watch the diet and not get fat before I can hit the gym again. Perhaps I should pick up swimming again. There's hardly gonna be anyone on campus anyway.

Side note, I love how Motrin and Ultram is keeping me blissfully happy. I can even forget that the ankle is as large as a leg of lamb now. Good time to finish the rest of the papers and be done with this very exciting semester. Off to have some feel good food.

Battered and Bruised

2009-12-09T04:33:00.002-05:00

Okay. This is getting ridiculous. My body is waking up after 2 hours of sleep (again) and telling me that I need to work on papers that are far from being due. AND I already completed the drafts a week ago so this is just re-writing. Can it really be that my premature mid-life crisis born of the car accident that I've been trivializing is making me want to live life to the fullest?

The practices with the guys are certainly making me hungry to play better every day and I think I can bring something to the table despite being close to twice the age of the younguns. The last time I remember shrugging off battered and bruised knees and still looking forward to training every day was when I was their age. Those were the glory days of camaraderie and coming of age. When time was a scarcity not because it was squandered but because there was meaning and purpose in what I was doing. It was about giving to something greater and becoming one with a calling higher than personal edification.

As I pen this entry on the cusp of a winter storm, I couldn't help but smile wryly about the recurrent story of my life - The "nerds" think I'm too jockish to partake fully in the enterprise of rarefied intellectual pursuit and...I think I'll see no end of ridicule if the jocks ever found out that I play competitive Scrabble too. Such is the Janus complex I think I'm doomed to live with.

Nuff maudlin mulling. Carpe diem. ONWARD!

And so it begins

2009-12-05T23:33:00.003-05:00

Both the highlight and disappointment of the weekend must have been the trip down south to Indiana for the Notre Dame Tourney. The team was just out-classed in every way - offense, defense and experience. The notes I took were of little use because we couldn't even execute our own game, forget about setting up plays to exploit the opponents' weaknesses. It was disappointing to play 4 games and not win a single set. This must be a new personal record for a losing streak even though I didn't play :-(

The up-side of the trip must have been getting to know everyone. At least I won't be the strange, Chinese senior citizen come the spring semester when I join officially; I'd be the more familiar Chinese senior citizen. It was been too long since I felt that I've got something to offer on the court as a player and I'm eagerly anticipating playing in a team again.

Note to self of names to remember: Andrew [Captain], Frog/Mark [Setter], Elliot, Ivan, Big Matt, Matt, Money, Kevin, Connor, Kyle, Dennis, Jesse, Chewy, Jordan [the hope in spring], Kriss, Mark, Pat, Steve [the coach whom I've yet to engage].

Facebook Faceoff

2009-11-23T02:11:00.003-05:00

Having just posted anew, I read a couple of the old posts and they brought back a sense of nostalgia that Facebook can't really capture. Photos are nice and easy to do on FB but I think being able to write keeps things in perspective and captures the moments. As I clicked randomly through the old writings, I can recall the exact feelings and the actual moments. As anachronistic as it might seem, perhaps blogging still has a place in my online experience.

Re-invention

2009-11-23T02:02:00.002-05:00

Between a sobering car accident and the birth of my nephew, Death and then Life both knocked on my door in a single week. Maybe this is a knee-jerk reaction that would fade with time or it might be a mid-life crisis come early but I dove back into my daily routine with a new-found vigor. Getting schoolwork done ahead of time, making a point to spend quality time with friends and family, returning to the gym (when I could finally walk) and then joining the MSU men's volleyball club.

The story of my life is that I get bored when I don't have enough variety to occupy my time. Let's see where this re-invention takes me. ONWARD!

Temporary Migration to FB

2009-08-17T04:37:00.003-04:00

Most updates are photo stories more easily shared on FB. Temporary migration to FC. Blog will be inactive for a while.

Mildly surprised

2009-05-25T23:48:00.000-04:00

I was mildly surprised to find Ruth "in a relationship" with Christine. Not shocked; not flabbergasted; just mildly surprised.

A deluge of social capital

2009-04-20T04:06:00.002-04:00

When words like misanthropes and troglodytes start to swim and dance on the computer screen, it's time to set my papers on social capital aside and just sleep.

Serenity Prayer

2009-04-06T23:20:00.002-04:00

Grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

In pursuit of Happyness

2009-04-06T02:01:00.002-04:00

There are times in my life when I pause and ask myself what am I doing with my life. This is one of them. Few can claim that they've held on to an ambition that they have had for a decade and am now living it. Yet, this was not how I thought it would be and I realize that I've been drifting, sail-less and aimless even as I live my dreams of old.The methodical planning and sacrifices that have been made all led up to this aimless existence in a small room; second guessing my decisions?

Tonight, the Greater Mind reached out and touched me. It was a confluence of awakening bells - a conversation with a confidante, a film with a misspelled title and a snowball that somehow pelted itself on my window. Awake and live in the moment, it seemed to say. With the skills of old and knowledge accrued, I can eke an existence but I will be doing so with no conscious thought; wandering towards where the next hand points me. And when the hands reach out no more, I will be lost.

How can I claim to be in pursuit of "Happyness" if I don't know what I am pursuing? What do I want? I want to be unabashedly proud of being a Spartan, even though I'm a decade late. I want to pursue an education because I am passionate about what I'm learning about; not for the appearance of being smart. I want to stop living life like how I think what others want me to live.

Tonight I rest. Tomorrow I awake. In the moment.

Uncle!

2009-03-16T00:25:00.002-04:00

I'm so glad I decided to make that Skype call back home. I'm going to be an uncle! Meh...Bin & Candice certainly move fast. Wasn't the wedding only in January? So exciting!

Foamy milk without fancy cappuccino machine!

2009-02-15T23:33:00.002-05:00

It was a chilly night and I was missing my spicy chai tea. No car to drive out and the ground was snowy. Inspired by necessity, I put cold milk into my protein shaker and shook it until it was all foamy. Prepared my tea and put microwave the milk in another cup for 30sec. Put everything together and wha la! Chai tea with stiff milk foam. It was awesome!

Dreaming of a tropical Christmas

2008-12-23T13:13:00.002-05:00

It was ironic that as I sat down to have the leftovers of my Hanuka dinner at the Levy's, I remembered a certain cozy Christmas dinner in one of the Hall 7 lounges. I looked forward to having a white Christmas with a huge feast but now that I've had it, I miss the warm humid nights with yummy greased fried foods back in Singapore. I received a present from Singapore - a T-shirt that said "Hip Pek Pek" - translates roughly into an over-aged hipster but it was just awesome. The great thing about having it in the US is that I can wear it around with impunity. The Americans might think my name is Pek Pek though lol.

Snow Storm

2008-11-30T17:36:00.004-05:00

The view outside the dorm after a small snow storm. The sand volleyball court is now covered in snow:

Snowfall

2008-11-11T00:03:00.004-05:00

On Sunday November 10, I bid farewell to the nice warm 70 degree Fahrenheit fall weather and listened to a light dusting of snow settle on the sand volleyball court behind my dorm.

Night's out

2008-11-06T21:16:00.005-05:00

Halloween was just awesome. People really dressed up and I got fat on candy. I was subdued and wore a reindeer hat that had the sign - Palin's Prey.

Night's out at The Firm in Washington Square, downtown Lansing. [L->R] Suzie Hill from Texas. Me. Vitak from Washington.

The Canadians in my Theory class. Mark and Caitlin (the policewoman) who will be my housemate in Fall 2009.

Culinary explorations

2008-11-06T20:58:00.015-05:00

[L] Fusilli pasta cooked in a rice-cooker. It's possible to do it el dente, even in a rice-cooker.

[Above] Poached eggs. Amazing easy and very delicious. Break 2 eggs in a bowl of water with a bit of vinegar. Microwave 2-3 mins. Walaa! Perfectly poached eggs.

Fall Colors

2008-11-06T20:49:00.004-05:00

These photos were taken at the bequest of Aunt Soh Choo. It's true I guess that living here, I don't appreciate the fall colors enough. I've found that a riverside walk in the crisp autumn air can be very refreshing.

Traverse Pies Company

2008-10-25T11:40:00.003-04:00

From L to R: Juhee, Elif, me and Alcides

Excerpt from essay submitted to the OISS essay contest:

My other revelation about isolation came when I was walking back from school one day. I was deep in thought about a new concept that I was learning in class and trying to articulate the theory to myself as I weaved through the flow of Spartans moving from point to point. Just outside the dairy store, I stopped dead in my tracks with a sudden realization. I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF! ALOUD! I was becoming one of those muttering professors I used to laugh at as an undergrad. It was not too long ago that I swore never to become one of those absent-minded professors who had no awareness of the people swirling around them because they were so absorbed in their esoteric ruminations. It was not so long ago that I wondered about the sanity of academics who would talk to themselves as they walked alone, oblivious to the strange looks that they were getting. And there I was, ignoring the rest of the world and totally consumed in a verbalized conversation with myself. The realization of the irony was laughable but I remember holding myself back from guffawing out loud, painfully aware of how much lower that would put me on the sanity scale from the perspective of the other Spartans around me.

It was then that I realize that isolation can occur at different levels. One can still get isolated while going to classes and having discussions with peers and professors only. Extreme isolation is close to impossible while attending school but it is still possible to be isolated while being surrounded by people. The isolation that comes from having a lack of comfortable friends with whom one can let loose and be a little crazy is more insidious. “Don’t get isolated” took on a different meaning altogether the day I found myself talking to me. In a knee-jerk response, I reached out to my classmates and engaged them in therapeutic musings of exotic holidays. I found an enclave of south-east Asians whom I could hang out with regularly and commiserate about how different things are from back home. I asked my peers out for lunch and instead of talking about schoolwork, we gossiped. And then I found that I was not alone in my desire for human contact that went beyond serious work. My other international peers, it seems, were also getting fatigued from being somber all of the time. And when I exchanged laughs over steamy cappuccinos and warm chicken pot pies with my new-found comrades, isolation was probably the furthest thing on my mind.

This is Spartan Volleyball

2008-09-26T20:51:00.010-04:00

MSU started the 2008 Big Ten Volleyball games at the Breslin Center and I was able to witness an exciting game complete with a free souvenir volleyball and poster. Go Green! Ohio State in orange below. MSU on the far side.

[Left & Top] Half time show - MSU Dance Team

[Below] The band and Block Party

Eh. The camera was trained on the dance club and I think I forgot to take pictures of the volleyball game. Anyway, MSU won 3-1.

Flooding of the Red Cedar

2008-09-18T23:43:00.022-04:00

I was headed for gym with Kerry (below) and had to detour like 4 times because the Red Cedar River flooded its banks. It's supposedly due to Ike bringing the rain over last weekend. I was late but the training session was good.

[Above] My bicycle track disappeared into the Red Cedar River. I saw a guy surfing at the rapids where the ducks usually were. Should have taken a picture; the ducks were pretty upset that they couldn't swim.

[Below-L] Mr Kerry Hoo who (sic) plans to be Mr Sentosa when he goes back to Singapore. [Below-R] River banks behind the arts school flooding over.

[Below] I thought this last picture was the nicest picture of a flood that I've taken. Come to think of it, I haven't taken many pictures of floods.

Land of the giants

2008-09-18T23:43:00.018-04:00

I went to watch my 1st Spartan volleyball game today and got real close to the girls on center court. I was erm a midget standing next to them. Charmain is only as tall as the libero and the libero does jump serves O.O. Spartans won Oakland 3-1.

Quality of Life

2008-09-14T15:57:00.016-04:00

What's nice about being out here in the countryside is the promise of good parties with great food. This one was at the Chair's house last Sunday. He has a place just next to Lake Lansing and it commands a beautiful view of the water and a gorgeous sunset. The land is his. The waterfront is his and yes, the sand volleyball court is his. There was a Mediterranean buffet where I had good Humus and Falafels.

[Right] Outdoor party at the Chair's house.

[Left] In the foreground is Nicole and her baby, Kai and daughter, Kat. Nicole is my co-instructor in TC110. Beside Nicole is Diane Levy, wife to my advisor Mark Levy. Diane showers me with maternal love and concern and makes life here that much warmer.

[Below] My Preciiiiiioooooouuuuuusssssss. After listening to me complain about the chilly weather for the past week. Nicole (the one above) drove me to Meijers to pick out a small radiator fan. I didn't even know such things existed but boy was it a good buy. On cold fall nights, other than my 2 blankets and 1 comforter, I now have...my preciiiiioooooouuuuuussssssssssssss.

Settling in

2008-09-14T15:37:00.014-04:00

Besides failing tests and pretending to study, the last few days were interesting in that I've also been settling into a routine of my life in Michigan. I'm still pretty bound to the university grounds but on days when my new gym buddy, Kerry, can drive me around, I've found places like a buffet restaurant that only costs $8 for breakfast & lunch (the trick is to go at 11am) as well as the local GNC store.

[Left] The Beaumont Tower on MSU, I often cycle past it on the way to the library. Most US campuses have one of these. I wonder why we don't have the Nanyang Tower.
[Below] The corner of my room on one of its more presentable days.

First 'F'!

2008-09-14T15:28:00.003-04:00

The last two weeks were hectic with lesson planning and written assignments. I flunked my first test in many years and the experience was...shocking. It took a full 2 days to recover from it but looking back from where I am now, it does seem to come at a good time. Better now than later I guess. After the recovery from humiliation, I think the failure has much to do with complacency and a cavalier attitude that I've gotten away with last minute work for years and it's gonna be like that even here. Well, not anymore and the rude awakening was enough that I won't be hammering together two-hour papers in a long time.

First day of classes

2008-08-25T19:09:00.013-04:00

First day of classes but mine starts tomorrow. I took a ride around school on my new bike and chanced upon this idyllic part of the campus behind the library. If you look carefully, you can see 2 kids feeding the ducks that always seem to be there (Wonder if they're gonna fly south before winter and come back in spring).

[Above] Red Cedar River behind the main administrative building and library. The ducks seem to be a permanent feature until the weather gets colder I suppose.

This takes the cake!

2008-08-22T18:39:00.013-04:00

I promised pictures of Spartan Lazyboys. Here they are! I think I'm gonna ship one these monstrosities back to Singapore when I'm graduate.

The college decided to install these ugly things where they belong - in the basement but hey! They are mighty comfy and just the things tired grad students need when they are doing their all night studying. I think I'll be putting up pictures of me dozing in these Lazyboys before long.

Dorm cooked meal

2008-08-21T20:32:00.005-04:00

Having bought a rice-cooker and some brown rice, I thought I'll give dorm cooking a shot before I get all busy next week and give all sorts of excuses not to try cooking.

[Above] Brown rice with steamed corn and broccoli. The rotisserie chicken was from the supermarket.

[Left] It would be naive to say that I've seen it all but this comes close. I will post pictures of Spartan Lazyboys when I remember to snap shots.

Homework

2008-08-20T15:16:00.009-04:00

Lest anyone thinks that life at MSU is all milkshakes and summer barbecues, here's a picture of the homework for the week.

Watch 6 videos
Read 2 books [not chapters, books]
Learn structural equation modeling in 2 days.
Master 2 new software applications by next Wed.

I've decided that buying a TV is not a good idea. [In the background is the bed and the comforter that I've had to buy. Waking up in the middle of the night coz of the 10 degree celsius room is not fun].

Decadence before gym

2008-08-20T14:37:00.007-04:00

I had to find out what it is like to have a chocolate ice-cream that's made from milk collected from bovine in the same state. A visit to the MSU dairy store this afternoon was well worth the walk and the wait in line.

[Below L] Chocolate malt made from real chocolate ice-cream and syrup. PLATINUM QUALITY!
[Below R] For the 15 min I was in the store, there was a continuous line of 20 people streaming in to get their ice-cream, cheeses and malts. That's my chocolate malt in the foreground (all slurped up in the 5min walk back to the dorm).

iphone mania

2008-08-19T23:31:00.009-04:00

An iphone now owns me and the feeling is strangely recognizant of my first love.

[L] It only took me 15min to set up all the functions and another 10min to upload all my songs onto the iphone. Any one for a free obselete ipod?

[Below] Watching youtube videos [in landscape format] on the iphone.

Sunday with the Levies

2008-08-17T17:05:00.009-04:00

You don't get any more American than a summer outdoor grill and an apple pie with vanilla ice-cream and that was what lunch was like at Chez Levy.

[R] Here's a pic of the house which is on a small lake. I'm standing on the dock overlooking the house.

[Above] A closer look of the house with its beautiful garden. Bosley Levy is very much like Wiebber, just more dignified.

[Below] The meal that killed the diet. 1.5 hamburgers grilled on an outdoor barbecue, heirloom tomatoes, Michigan corn-on-a-cob, diet Vernor's and TWO whole slices of apple pie with vanilla ice-cream. IM East gym, here I come Monday morning!

BBQ dinner service outside the cafeteria

2008-08-14T21:03:00.004-04:00

In the cool evening of the summer, a BBQ dinner outdoors. Spartans enjoying hotdogs, hamburgers, ice-cream and cookies with assorted sauces. A totally new experience with pleasant company that made it thoroughly enjoyable.

New friends and new toys

2008-08-12T21:22:00.002-04:00

New friends:
1 x Japanese girl - Tomiko
1 x Korean girl - Seungyun
1 x Nigerian girl - Gertrude
1 x US babe - Britany
1 x US babe - Kesley
1 x US babe - Munika
1 x White Yorkie dog - Bosley

and numerous Mainland Chinese girls and guys whom I'm usually associated with (Isn't Singapore a part of China?) Of interest to girls might be the many hunky US athletes, hot Latin Americans and kewl Europeans who love their alcohol. Phone numbers available at 1USD per number. Buy 5 get 1 free.

New toys:
1 x MSU credit union credit card - 1500USD security deposit
1 x Standing steam iron - 120 USD
1 x iphone - 199 USD
1 x AT&T telephone line - 500 USD security deposit + 70USD per month
1 x Empty (very empty) wallet

Trials and Tribulations

2008-08-11T04:49:00.005-04:00

It's my second day in MSU and there is much to write about but first, the delivery of the threat of bodily harm:

WAILUN! When I get back to Singapore and you are still in Hall Se7en, I will personally go down and wring that chicken neck of yours. Thanks to your curse I'm rooming with not just an Ah Tiong but a snoring Ah Tiong for the next week! I'm typing at my desk in the dark with the rhythmic cacophony of my temporary roommate's nostril orchestra in the background. It really doesn't help that I'm jet-lagged and in need of deep sleep. WAILUN! I hope your roommate snores for the rest of the semester.

The trials and tribulations did not start with the roommate who, ahem, after a long day, has refused to shower. It began after the grand sendoff at the spanking new T3 back in Singapore. Three hours after Team Se7en parted company, I was still sitting in UA896 on the tarmac at the Changi runway because of a hole in the cargo hold. Yippee! It was a 3-hour delay in Singapore, followed by a 2 hour wait in Hong Kong. By the time I got to Chicago, I had missed the last shuttle to Lansing and had to flex my biceps before I got compensatory overnight accommodations from United. The hotel was called the Regency but given the run of events of the day, it was of course not the Hyatt Regency but an isolated no-star place on the outskirts of Chicago. GRUMP. As luck would have it, the reception did not pick up calls and I was standing in the cold in the Windy City for 2 hours before a crotchety driver of South Asian descent took me to a much needed hot shower and bed at the Regency that was not THE Regency. The next morning, he screamed at me for being 10min late for the morning ride to the airport but HEY! the stupid hotel alarm wasn't working and front desk missed my morning call.

When I touched down at the Lansing airport and saw Prof Levy, I could have sworn he was standing in a halo of divine light. There were times on that long 38-hour journey to Lansing when I wondered if I was ever gonna step foot on Spartan grounds but hey hey hey, the fortune teller that mummikins consulted at the Guanyin temper at Bugis said that the advice that my Godmummy (Yes, I'm supposed to be the godson of the most benevolent divinity in Taoism) is:

"The golden monkey must patiently endure trials (below the Five-Finger-Mountain) before he breaks free of his bonds and attains enlightenment.

Sometimes I pretty glad for folklore and divine wisdom. This one was particularly reassuring.

I'm just praying aloud but if it's not too much to ask Godma Guanyin, can the trials and tribulations come without a snoring roommate?

Charmain in 2016

2008-08-07T20:26:00.003-04:00

True fortune tellers can't read their own or their loved ones because they care too much for the reading to be accurate. For Charmain:

"Suis ton étoile Va jusqu'où ton rêve t'emporte Un jour tu le toucheras Si tu croix, si tu croix, si tu croix En toi"

Team Se7en - Predictions for 2016

2008-08-06T08:05:00.004-04:00

Enough of emo farewells and sob sob hugs. This post I know there will be an audience for. LOL. From the gut instincts of a teacher, here's what I think a Team Se7en reunion will be like in 2016:

Meng Heng in 2016
Worst case scenario - Financial adviser aka new age insurance salesman
Best case scenario - SIA station manager in London
Most likely to be found in a London pub surrounded by Caucasian babes.
[Edit: WAIT! You'll have to look VERY hard to find. Babes=tall; MH=1.6m]

Linus in 2016
Worst case scenario - Two-bit actor in small productions and Singapore advertisements
Best case scenario - Engineering project manager for one of the IRs.
Most likely having pre-marriage jitters

Teh Ping in 2016
Worst case scenario - OC for an infantry company
Best case scenario - Aide to Chief of Army
Likely to be juggling his men, his wife and the second baby that's arriving end of the year

Keng Kok in 2016
Worst case scenario - Associate of a debt collection company aka Big Ear Dragon (Hokkien)
Best case scenario - Senior engineer
Likely to be dating his second girlfriend seriously coz mummy is nagging

Dexter in 2016
Worst case scenario - Public servant in one of the stat boards
Best case scenario - Head of a team of aunties in some company
Likely to be considered for middle management because he is non-threatening to higher powers

Chunyi in 2016
Worst case scenario - Engineer
Best case scenario - Engineer
He will work for Keppel, CAAS, NCB or DSTA. Mark my prediction!

Wailun in 2016
Worst case scenario - Bum who lives outside the IR and curses at foreign talent who stole his job
Best case scenario - Moonlights at a big Malaysian firm while running his own business at Batam
Likely to be also moonlighting between his wife in Singapore, his other wife on Batam and the mistress on Riau

Zhenhong in 2016
Worst case scenario - PE teacher in a neighbourhood secondary school and getting burnt out
Best case scenario - Head of Maths in a high school
Having paid off his tuition loan, he is deciding if he should continue teaching, move to HQ or get out of teaching service having been disillusioned by the bureaucracy. (Talk to me again in 2016, I can renew your faith)

Chun in 2016
Worst case scenario - Boss of small company
Best case scenario - Boss of multiple companies in the region
Having established his network in the financial industry, he has amassed the necessary conditions to strike out on his own. He is considering if he should move into the China market. (Don't).

Shaun in 2016
Worst case scenario - Toothpaste ad model
Best case scenario - Account manager at a small accountancy firm
He is considering an MBA but is weighing the costs of doing it this year or postponing it so that he can spend more time with his first born daughter. (Don't postpone. Do it while you still have the motivation)

Haolun in 2016
Worst case scenario - Heads a team of aunties in the HR department
Best case scenario - Out-stationed at the new oil expeditions in inner Mongolia
He is wondering why there are so many good women out there but none who can understand him when he is in his emo state.

I will consider a sequel to this if there is a demand.

We are ready

2008-07-29T05:09:00.002-04:00

The realization that I'm going just sunk in today. I knew it would come but it only hit today after I looked at the MTV for the Beijing Olympics - We Are Ready. With the nostalgic Forbidden City in the background and the rousing song pushing aside the nonchalance I had felt for the past months, I finally know that I have 10 more days in Singapore - 10 more days to my new life away from the place I called home for the past 32 years. China has proclaimed her preparedness for the Olympics. Am I ready?

US Bound

2008-07-25T08:13:00.003-04:00

Farewell party done. Thesis almost done. Packing almost complete.

Not trying to make a statement but I'll be heading out to East Lansing on a one way ticket on National Day to begin my new life... you didn't know.

Seeing the world with new eyes

2008-04-08T07:50:00.004-04:00

Lasik is the greatest invention in the 21st Century.

2 pairs of Oakleys specs with transition lenses = $900 x 2 = $1800 SGD
Acuview 1-day disposable lenses = $50 per box x 36 = $1800 SGD
Speedos prescription swimming goggles = $87

Eye care for next 3 years = $3687 SGD
Lasik = $2962

Cost savings = $725 = 2 pairs of Oakleys Shades = 1 vain Han Ei

Of Charmain

2008-03-08T03:14:00.002-05:00

Talk about being emo. 3 emo posts in one breath but I don't think I can rest easy till I remember Charmain.

Of my students, she is one of those who have come the longest way with me. Our paths crossed time and again and in the most unexpected places. Charmain, my gentle giant, came to me like a chestnut. So tough and strong on the outside, but so delicate and vulnerable on the inside. If proprieties had permitted, I would have held you when you cried in those years gone by. But through these times (has it really been 4 years and more?) and through those tears, I've seen you grow and become the young woman that you are. We've grown apart as you grew up but I've always watched you from afar and share in your triumphs and tribulations. Thank you for bringing me and Team Se7en together. Thank you for letting me be your teacher.

To the Guardian of my big chestnut, thank you for also loving her. I've seen a quiet strength in her spirit and a twinkle in her eyes since you've come into her life. I give you my blessings and hope your love will endure. May your mutual companionship make you both better persons in life.

Team Se7en

2008-03-08T03:00:00.003-05:00

Why it took so long for me to pen this down I do not know. For all my slavish pursuit to my life goals, my encounter with Team Se7en was unanticipated, unplanned for but thoroughly edifying every step of the way.

These young people have helped me remember why I am a teacher for life. I felt like a friend, a coach and an older brother to a group of young'uns in their prime. We trained, we fought and it was one time in my life that I really believed that the results did not matter anymore because the triumph of the human spirit opened the doors to a realm that transcended mere medals and titles. In those hours, I felt no consciousness of my physical self, just a melding of my inner self to a team of brave young men. It was my best hour as a coach. Thank you Meng Heng, Zhen Hong, Haolun, Wailun, Linus, Chunyi, Chun, Dex, Teh Ping, Yim Sim, Alan and Tong Chai for the memories. I feel really good that I've written this down for I know that I will come back, read this again and remember your gift of my finest hour. Thank you.

To the girls, thank you for allowing me into your lives. In those moments when you were gracious enough to let me in, I hope that I've helped you realized what you've always been capable of - believing in yourselves.

To Team Se7en; thank you for the memories, thank you for helping me know that I was born to teach, thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives. I hope our journey has been as extraordinary for you as it has been for me.

Fare de well; farewell; Au Revoir

2008-03-08T02:30:00.003-05:00

I wrote my blogging days over and thought it a fad gone away. The desire to blog re-surfaced time and again over the months gone by and today, I think there are enough memories that I want to pen down.

Today I bid farewell to my comrades in the army in our last in-camp training together. For all the grouses and complaints about the disruptions to my life over the past years, there was just a twinge of sadness as I left the camp. Without the army, I would not have met my best friend, my buddy and a number of other good folks who have taught me much about life. Even the ones with less savory habits taught me how not to judge people at face value for there is always an unseen facet that could be called a person's better side.

Looking back a decade down the road, I think I got a good deal when I was called on to give two years of my youth to the nation. I learnt, I grew up and became what I hope can be called a better person for those two years that I have had to spend in the company of my comrades. In the years that follow, I've witnessed displays of brotherhood, of synergy and of good faith. Truly, I was inspired by the triumph of the human spirit to look beyond oneself and contribute to the betterment of one's fellow men.

I write to remember the sweet parting sadness I feel now. I write to bid farewell to my friends and comrades. Take care brothers. May Life be kind to you in the years that follow.

Facebook addict

2007-10-03T02:32:00.001-04:00

My new online playground. Facebooking in Facebook.

Grad school drop-out

2007-09-19T02:25:00.000-04:00

Should I drop out of grad school to work again? Life in NTU is not what I had envisioned it to be. I spend my days on administrative duties and little time on my studies which should be my focus. I think of the opportunity costs of pursuing an MA and am seriously thinking if it's worthwhile to continue. What to do?

Fail test!

2007-09-13T21:29:00.000-04:00

OMG! My first 'F' in the last 10 years of schooling. Technically it wasn't an F but it was bad enough. My proposal for my masters thesis was rejected with a capital 'R'. Comments from Ben was that it had a bad lead, too many run-on sentences, bad formatting and the ideas were disorganized. I was, like, WTH, these were the exact things I wrote on my students' GP essays. Poetic justice in the truest sense.

So it's back to Page 1 of Chapter 1. I'm definitely second guessing my writing ability as I sat down to write the proposal from scratch again. Can I still write?

Techno-auntie

2007-09-13T21:14:00.000-04:00

I was given a rude-awakening when my landlords returned from their business venture in China to settle back in Singapore. My China-born landlady seemed like a simple housewife with great home-making experience and expertise and my bachelor pad (now defunct) was very quickly spick and span. The loss of having the whole place to myself is regrettable but having someone to clean and iron at a lower rent is very much desired.

The 2 kids are hyper-active at times but I'm glad the parents keep them in line with a reed-like rattan cane. I for one, still believe that a twack of the cane can do wonders for a child's sense of proprietory and discipline. Back to my rude awakening, I returned home after a day camped out at the library and was greeted by the landlady with a request to fix her notebook. WHA! She didn't even speak English very much and seemed so much like my mom when she was younger but WHA! she has her own notebook and a new gizmo from Vodafone that allows unlimited internet access on the M1 broadband network.

I fiddled around the settings, did a system retore and that seem to do the trick but as I was fixing it, she gave me a running commentary of the things she was doing on the laptop - Video-conferening with her family back in China, archival work of their business in China, e-commerce via online shopping, looking for directions to get around in Singapore. This China housewife is hardly the technophobe. I didn't even realise that the mobile GSM modem was available in Singapore. I was impressed, very impressed.

Gosh, if I don't keep up, very soon I'll be lapped by techno-aunties from China! and these are just the late adopters of technology in China. Imagine what the early adopters are like.

Fastest route to Jurong Point.

2007-07-22T23:48:00.000-04:00

My trips to JP are becoming quite the chore. For one thing the mall is perpetually over-crowded. For another, there is always a need to dodge investment salesmen who would waylay me every couple of paces. Over the past months, I've collected a formidable arsenal of excuses to turn down the most persistent of sales personal. For the diehards of my inconsistently updated blog, I offer the top 10 excuses to walk away from the insurance sales pitch:

For the less adventurous:

#10 "I'm rushing for time" [HE: Not very effective, the comeback is always, it'll only take a few minutes of your time].

#9 "1 don't want to waste your time but my cash is fully committed, CPF. Medishield AND the Special Account.

#8 Don't bother to talk to me. I'm leaving the country for good in a few days.

For those with the linguistic flare or the lack of:

#7 I no speak English. Be ready to spout a third language when they try Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese, Teochew and other vernacular tongues.

#6 Start gesticulating in Sign Language, there’s only a 1/2000 chance that the other person will be able to respond – In all honesty, all you need to learn is “Can you sign?”

For those who are having a bad day:

#5 Glare balefully at the poor salesman and say, slowly and menacingly," I...don't...take...sales...pitches."

#4 Start raving wildly." Investment! You want to talk to me about investment? I've invested 10 years of my life to that bitch and she dumped me just like that. The money, the flat, the diamond rings, my youth, my career, all invested! All gone!" Pause. Look slightly dazed and then look back. "Sorry, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

For those who are trying out for Star Search 2007:

#3 Laugh pleasantly and say, "Sure! Of course; but after I hear you, you must hear what I'm selling also" :-)

#2 Look at him eagerly with a slightly apologetic expression “I may dress well but I just got out from 20 years in prisons for manslaughter and don't have much money. How about you buy me a hot meal and I'll hear you talk?"

#1 Give a look of anguish, sigh and say softly,” Now is not a good time. The ants in my family just passed away.” Walk away dejectedly [Don’t just read this one, pronounce it and you’ll see why it always works.]

Have fun.

US or bust!

2007-07-08T09:44:00.000-04:00

Joy! I have a conditional acceptance for US next August. YAY! To study ICTs in developing countries while being US-based would be a dream come true. Imagine spending the summers in the US and escaping to the tropics to continue field work for winters.

Paid to study for the next four years. What a life!

Justice overdue

2007-06-28T04:08:00.001-04:00

I have been pursuing justice for my students for the past year and the supposed custodians of Singapore's students are still using a delaying tactic. 3 years since Jurong Secondary sent in their complaint, a year since Mrs Chan wrote the letter on my behalf, more than 3 months since VS & HS were hit and still, they refuse to admit that there is a problem.

Having met with a supposedly high-ranking official, I was disappointed at the pushing of blame, the formulaic "we'll look into it" and the refusal to move on. (They had the gall to suggest that I move on.) My point is simple, if they even refuse to acknowledge the existence of a problem, we cannot move on. How can we improve if we don't even put a name to the area for improvement?

More heat. More energy. More effort.

Scrabble as it should be played

2007-06-25T00:19:00.000-04:00

I never thought my pilgrimage to the mother of all Scrabble competitions in Asia would be so life changing. It was amazing! For a detailed writeup, you can refer to my (ex?) Scrabble coach's blog at http://infidelsonic.wordpress.com/ but this competition has made me hungry for Scrabble again.

The Nationals will be here in a fortnight and of course, 2 weeks ain't a long time to make up for those lost years that I have idled away. (Has is already been that many years since I spotted VALKYRIE against Jocelyn, won 2 games off Malaysia's top player Ganesh and another off the King's Cup champion Nigel Richards?) Well, it's all water under the bridge now and it's only my first King's Cup anyway. I'm hoping there will be plenty more to go and better Scrabble in the future. I should start work on this as soon as I get back to Singapore.

For now, the pool and gym at the Pathumwan Princess awaits.

My Life List

2007-03-20T10:50:00.000-04:00

Since I am now officially in the league of rather elderly gentlemen, I thought I should start ascribing to the ‘carpe diem’, ‘live life to the fullest’, ‘life each day as it were the last’ kind of philosophies. I start with penning my life list, something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had the impetus to. The motivation found me today. I’ll start with 30.

1. Get my PhD at 35 or earlier (before I hit 36)

2. Find a soulmate before 2017 (after that, I will revert to Plan B of buying a confidante).

3. Start a small business of my own (last attempt to sell myself on eBay didn’t do very well).

4. Raise a child (if not, a puppy at least)

5. Visit Egypt and see the pyramids.

6. Take pictures of scenic sites in Hobbitland.

7. Get a meager salary from teaching in a polytechnic with a PhD.

8. Teach in Taiwan / Hong Kong / Thailand

9. Complete my Masters dissertation by 2008 (I need divine intervention for this, it seems)

10. Buy property to call my own in Singapore.

11. Have a wonderful party at my funeral with all my students coming to pay their last respects and rant about what a terrible teacher I was. (Someone else has to tick this off if it does happen, don’t think I’ll be in any state to do it).

12. Walk in the Grand Canyon

13. Revisit Angkor Wat

14. Be named “Teacher of the year”

15. Coach a volleyball team to a medal finish.

16. Play in a 2-on-2 beach volleyball tournament and not be last.

17. Publish 50 journal articles

18. Attend 50 academic conferences

19. Get altitude sickness in Tibet

20. Play World of Warcraft for 72 hours non-stop

21. Be a proud owner of an iMac

22. Buy my parents a home that comes with a maid to take care of their retirement needs

23. Help my dad publish a picture book of all his paintings and drawings. (alternative: an art exhibition)

24. Get a new knee to play volleyball with

25. Charge the Singapore government money for consultation on communication policies.

26. Donate money to Victoria Junior College.

27. Lecture in WKWSCI

28. Work a week flipping burgers at McDonald’s

29. Own a cappuccino maker (must come with De-caf options)

30. Buy my brother a car (If I die before I can do this, someone get him a full set of Hotwheels – we used to fight over our collection when we were younger)

Ego Rollercoaster

2007-03-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

I bumped into a year 2 student who interviewed me for a news story last year and she asked if I could star in her short film. It was like OMG! Finally, an opportunity for stardom! I’m finally gonna get my chance to make it big in the movie scene! I asked what any ordinary person would ask, “Why me?” The list of appropriate responses (ranked in order of preference) I prepared in my head was:

Because you won the Best Actor Award in NTU back in 2000.
Because we recognize you for your cameo roles in popular Mediacorp drama serials.
Because we recognize your great potential to make a huge splash in the movie scene.
Because we believe that you are a great teacher who would help his students.
Because we know you for the kind person who epitomizes altruism.

Any one of the above could have moved me to say yes but what sent my ego plummeting to the nether realms was her reply (that came with little hesitation), “Oh! Because we need someone old!”

WONDERFUL! BRILLIANT! FABULOUS! How can I refuse with a reason like that?

My reply: “Sorry, not free. Need to interview new SCI students.”

I tried to make a dignified exit into the lift but my attempt was interrupted by the crunching sounds that came from the other students trampling over pieces of my shattered ego that now still lie at the ground floor lift lobby at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore.

Conspiracy Theory

2007-02-13T09:48:00.000-05:00

I was watching "the Arena" with my brother tonight and was most miffed during the announcement of the results. Oh I wasn't too perturbed by the triumph of stuttering boys over not-so-demure girls; I was disturbed by the fact that the exit of the top boys' school at the hands of a neighborhood one wasn't made final. Didn't Loyang, a through and through neighborhood school beat Raffles? I was quite sure the reverberations of that triumph was felt throughout the less well-endowed schools in Singapore. If I were still a high school teacher, I would tell my students "SEE! If Loyang can do it, so can you!"

But no. Mediacorp had to revive Raffles using a wildcard. And as wildcards on television shows perform nowadays, Raffles will make it to the finals and (maybe) win it. Think Daren from Project Superstar and Clay Aiken from American Idol.

This reeks of a possible conspiracy for publicity and ratings. It was almost too good to be true that the extremely well-connected and lavishly endowed institution could fall to Singlish-spouting heartlander students. Well, apparently, it is too good to be true.

I want boasting rights if they do win. If RI wins the Arena, I told you so.

Bizzarest Pricing Scheme

2007-02-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

I was with my bro at Toa Payoh Entertainment Centre the other day and had a few hours to burn so we decided to check out the gaming cafe there. The ambiance wasn't too bad, generally comfortable chairs, quiet speakers that don't scream "TRIPLE KILL!" at one million decibels and decent PCs. The one complaint I had was that the mouse wasn't that great and 'cramped my style' in the 3 games we played.

We paid $8.00 each for 2 hours of gameplay which I thought was a bit dear considering that I used to pay $2.50 at Raiders in Katong during those days when I was gallivanting with my students.

To keep the long story short, we lost the first 2 games and decided to play a third but exceeded 2 hours so the staff came over and asked if we wanted to extend our game time. I said sure and whipped out my wallet to pay for the extra hour. That was when I found out about the bizzarest pricing scheme. The fellah said no need to pay for the extra hour and IN FACT, came back with a refund of $1.50 each because 3 hours cost $6.50 and 2 cost $8.00. Bizzare!

Anyway, we lost the 3rd game. I blame the fellah. I'm sure the weird pricing rates was the reason I wasn't playing up to form. Bleah!

Your Horoscope Today (from Today)

2007-01-23T20:50:00.000-05:00

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
As long as you stick to what you have already laid out as the way to go, you will be fine. It's the sudden alterations that will get you into trouble. It's time to trust in yourself.

Coincidence or divine intervention?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subway is giving away free cookies from 4pm-6pm today. No purchase necessary. Limit 1 per customer.

Dangerous Mind

2007-01-22T00:35:00.000-05:00

30 episodes of a Taiwanese drama serial 《危險心靈》 http://www.pts.org.tw/~web01/Dangerous/ over a weekend.

I need a life but personally, this serial trumps Da Changjin hands down. Produced by the Taiwan Public Television Service Foundation, this serial scrutinizes the education system in the country through the eyes of a 15-year-old high school student. The acting was raw but the story cuts to the bone and can almost be applied to our own education system entirely except for the part when parents and students took to the streets in protest; like that will ever happen here.

Think "I Not Stupid" minus 100% of the slapstick comedy, add plenty more of complexity and ambiguity in what defines a good student, a good teacher and a good parent over 30 episodes. Artfully adapted from a book of the same name, 《危險心靈》, must be the best serial I've seen in years but it could be because I miss teaching and having real students. Makes me want to pack my bags and head off to the Ilha Formosa to teach for some years.

Such impetuosity Such spontaneity. I'm thinking too young for my aged self.

You can only miss what you had

2007-01-22T00:25:00.000-05:00

I used to have students I could dote on and spoil outrageously. I don't have them anymore.

I used to have retail therapy sessions whenever I need them. I can't afford them anymore.

I used to have someone close to the heart who cared for me in a special special way. I miss her.

It seems like a half-empty glass kind of weltanschauung but this Monday morning, I'm acutely aware of my sense of accumulated loss.

Sacked!

2007-01-15T01:23:00.000-05:00

My older and wiser friends tell me that there comes a time in parenting when the child no longer wants to be 'parented'. Then they have to learn to let go, however difficult it is. The same goes for teaching I suppose.

For my 1st post in 2007, I chronicle my first sacking from my proteges. I just got an SMS that the boys won't be needing my presence for their training anymore so it's "thank you very much, please don't come back anymore".

O.......kay. Time to really move on and accept some harsh realities. All these altruism, meaning-of-life trash I keep harping on aint' that noble and edifying as they are cut out to be. Gotta learn to move on.

Next time you see me, please remind me to "Move on! Get a Life! They don't need you anymore!" Think that will help me get over it sooner and really start working for Project PhD 2008.

Hopelessly romantic or romantically hopeless?

2006-10-21T07:59:00.000-04:00

A short love story

There was a young Chap who studied in the university. One semester, a young Girl came from lands afar to the university and studied with the young Chap. It was love at first sight. They did everything together; studying, jogging, cycling, picnicking even daydreaming. They dreamt of a life together, of paddling on a boat, reading and picnicking on a placid Canadian lake. They dreamt of cycling to the grocery store together on a Sunday morning to buy baguettes and cheese and bring them home in a brown paperbag. A year after, they celebrated their love on a cruise ship and the next day, the young Girl left to return to the lands whence she came from. The young Chap wanted to throw everything aside to fly with the young Girl but he couldn't and didn't.

Years after, the Chap, not so young any more, returned to the university. One semester, a Lady came from lands afar to the univerity and studied with the not so young Chap. There was a stirring of old feelings but this time round, he daren't dream for he knew the lady would return to the lands afar just like the young Girl many years ago. A sagely friend said to live the time together to the fullest. The not so young Chap, maudlin and contemplative, wonders how to make a stitched up heart open itself again.

Are you mocking me?

2006-09-30T11:55:00.000-04:00

The latest in the Friendster, MySpace, type of networking website seems to be "Tagged". I have about 12 invitations from my younger friends and ex-students to join Tagged. It is presumably "the premier teen social networking destination on the web and provides a fun, safe, and exciting environment for teens to showcase their personalities and talents, and to connect with friends and meet new ones."

Dear YOUNG friends, please read the fine print: "Tagged is for people 13 and older who were born after January 1st, 1982." ARE YOU TRYING TO REMIND ME THAT I AM NOT YOUNG ANYMORE???!!!!!!!!

Say a little prayer for me

2006-09-16T12:39:00.000-04:00

I took off from my regular volleyball game early to partake in my family's ancestral worship. It is the Hungry Ghosts Festival and apparently the elders in the family have been getting bad dreams that we haven't had a family prayer to our ancestors for a long time and decided to arrange for this one.

As far as traditions go, this one was pretty cool for me. The priest came in a simple polo-tee and jeans and went by the name Jason. He had one of those funky silver briefcases and forwent the yellow robes and wooden sword you still see in Chinese ghostbusters movies. The ritual goes something like this: The priest will summon the departed ancestors and invite them for a meal. After the forefathers have had their fill, the descendants will offer lots of money before asking for favours and sending the departed ancestors back. Everyone is happy, supposedly.

For me, the entire affair was well, quite smoky. It began with the offering of incense sticks in a manner that should have sent the fire alarms in the entire block ringing; if there were any in the first place. The stinging incense smoke certainly gave the illusion of emotional descendants crying their eyes out for their forefathers. Try breathing in smoke from a 100 sticks of burning incense - see if your eyes don't sting and tear. One can almost see the ingenuity behind the invention of the incense stick here, it certainly makes everyone behave appropriately - filial, sombre, teary and choking on emotions.

After the priest summons the ancestors for the feast, we were supposed to confide to them all our worries and problems and of course, any requests. One wonders if anyone can have a decent meal with people complaining and asking for favours. It was no wonder none of the elders could get the 'okay' divination from the forefathers. The priest suggested that the eldest grandson take over the prayers and I did so quite gamely - took me only one try.

Here's how my prayer went: I said (really), "Yo Grand-daddy! I really miss you dude. Sometimes, I still remember how we spent the best days of my childhood together - gallavanting the streets and eating in dingy dirty hawker stalls. I'm trying to be the first doctorate in the family so watch out for me, Big Daddy. I'll make you proud." I tossed the two odd shells and got the "We're good" divination. Now THAT impressed the heck out of the elders. I have a theory about prayers: Ask not what the ancestors can do for you; Ask what you can do for your family. Worked for me at least :-P

My young cousins were very impressed by the currency. One note was at least 50 million dollars and we were burning billions, trillions even. I had the attention of a couple of the young ones and explained the rationale behind the big money. For one thing, one had to factor in the inflation over the thousands of years of Chinese history. You can only assume that the inflation would be unchecked because I can't imagine IMF having a conference there to address any issues of over-inflation. Nope, lots of cold hard cash is the best bet against the depreciating currency. Unlike the more affluent families, ours decided not to offer any credit cards. I supported that decision of course, the high interest rates on those monsters would have us in debt for the next couple of generations if we have a high spender among our forefathers. On another note, I assured the young ones that the banking services have definitely improved because now, you don't have to draw white chalk circles to denote territory for the burnt offerings. An MOU has apparently been signed with the 'other' side for the disbursement of offerings because you can burn the offerings in the HDB common bin and be assured that your ancestors will receive them. Maybe they have the equivalent of DHL or Fedex.

Everyone seems happy at the end of the ceremony. If you ask me, I think it did more for my uncles and aunties than anyone else. I suppose it is a good excuse to get together and get some communal therapy through spiritual communion. If there's something I learnt tonight, they have one heck of a translation service on the other side. My grand-dad couldn't understand a word of English but I was quite sure he heard every word of my prayer.

Teacher

2006-09-05T00:07:00.000-04:00

This post is a few days late but I had it on my mind for a while and just needed to find the time to write it down.

My sincere thanks to all the students who sent SMSes on September 1st. It was really pleasant to wake up in the morning to a phone cramped with well wishes and warm regards. Some nice surprises and a few disappointments. I guess the letdown is greater when there are higher expectations. Anyway, I consoled myself that when I chose to be a teacher, I chose also to give unconditionally to my students without expecting anything in return. Besides, I'm hardly the high school teacher anymore so time to wean myself off September 1st.

Come to think of it, it's not really about how expensive the prezzies are or how sweet the students are on Teachers' Day. I've always been shameless and tell my students that if they want to give me something, write me a card instead. The words I'll keep; the cookies, I'll just turn into body fat and shed during the next workout. Still, I received, among others, a great prezzie from Charmaine, Sylvia & Rai. So sweet of them to remember. Very practical. Very appropriate. Very appreciated :-)

I thought the generally uneventful day would end with my Subway dinner at Tampines Telepark but was utterly flabbergasted by this biatch of a lady in the queue in front of me wailing and complaining about how teaching was the worst job possible. That was after the Subway auntie said that her son is a teacher. She griped to the whole restaurant about how being a teacher was the worst decision she ever made...quite oblivious to the fact that the fellah behind her was a teacher who loved his job. I was really tempted to jab at her overly-painted nose and remind her to be more charitable. It was Teachers' Day for goodness' sake! Prudence held my tongue.

Settling down to have my dinner and trying to swallow my indignance along with the capsicum and the jalepenos, I munched vindictively through the sandwich till one of younger (punkish looking) staff brought over a double-chocolate cookie in a paperbag and dumped it unceremoniously on my table before muttering "Happy Teachers' Day" and hustling back to the serving counter.

He was an ex-student - Wei-an, now studying in Simei ITE. I didn't recognize him, of course; when I taught him, he was this rotund wide-eyed fellah who was half his height now. But I remembered him as soon as he introduced himself. As with other fogey teachers, my mental picture of him got stuck when he was barely 14. I forget that teens that age metamorphosize overnight.

As I walked home that night, I thought about the hundreds of students I've invariably taught. If I had taught one well enough that he would give a teacher a cookie he has baked, perhaps I was not that shoddy a teacher afterall.

Happy Teachers' Day to me

2006-08-30T10:36:00.000-04:00

I got all warm and fuzzy inside after I visited VJ today. I got asked back for a photoshoot for the IP yearbook by Mr Jastine Goh and ended up with a 2min photoshoot by Tianwei and Amanda AND JASTINE GOH! Do you know I travelled 3 hours for a 2 min photoshoot? Tianwei decided to just take one shot of me but I thought the better of it and asked for 2 photos...just to make the travelling more justified :-P

Anyway, I took the chance to walk around school. Catching up with old colleagues, friends and students was so nice. Apparently, according to most and especially the drinks stall uncle, I have become thinner. Yay, the gym sessions are starting to show effect. I didn't think it too appropriate to start wearing sleeveless shirts to flaunt the new bulges on the arms but maybe soon. Heh heh.

Meeting up with the students was great, some of them seem to have grown in just three months! Kenny's butt has definitely grown and taken on a new geometric shape all together. J*** and R***** seem to have grown something else between them altogether. Snigger. I should keep track of their development as any good teacher would. On second thoughts, I think I'll leave the tracking of Kenny's butt to Gary. Yo! Chiang Leong, his butt is your responsibility now :-P

The volleyball boys came and we just stood at the at the T-block corridor and looked at each other for about 20mins. I didn't say it but you know what? I think I miss you guys most of all but it would just be too mushy to say that there and then. Hey! I really appreciate you guys coming up to meet me. I know I talked a lot of crap but that was just to fill up the awkward silence. Deep down, I felt really warm and fuzzy when you guys came, that was the real message I got. Remember, if you need help or to talk or something, call me ok? For you, I'm always available. Care.

Chatting with V12 and V14 was really great. Hao Ran has lost weight and some of the boys seem to have become more manly in the adult kind of way. The girls are still just as bubbly and energetic. 14 was just so sweet! I got this huge packet of cards and I read every single one on my ride back to the university. Thanks 14. I really appreciate every single note I received. I missed you guys and gals too and I will work hard in the university to fulfil my dreams just as you are pursuing yours. I will try to visit once in a few months and maybe we can go out for ice-cream :-)

Then the warmth and fuzziness kinda faded as I sit in my lonely university office to write this bog entry. Haiz. Guess I can only take out my pack of cards to read them again on teachers' day. It's gonna be different after all these years to have a quiet September 1st.

Afflicted with Hand, Mouth, Foot condition

2006-08-30T10:14:00.000-04:00

I hereby diagnose myself with the Hand, Mouth Foot condition, quite a horribly mutated form of the usual disease that plagued childcare centre and schools of Singapore not too long ago.

I am officially living from Hand to Mouth, the paltry stipend they pay grad students ensues that personal trainers, extravagant Da Chang Jin dinners and regular $5 coffees are out of the question nowadays. Fortunately, the university also pays me $40 per hour to teach classes and there are also the other sneaky income streams.

I also fully believe in the resilience of the human spirit and the unceasing innovativeness of meself to create something from nothing. I've just joined the ranks of the shady grad students I used to scoff at who raid the undergrads' buffet table while steadfastly refusing to partake in their events and activities. I stay late to use the air-conditioning and the Internet connection in school to save money to save on the utilities bill and another broadband subscription. Of course, the ultimate ploy of my austerity measures come from the Foot. Having good friends and understanding relatives help tremendously. Who better to foot the bill or at least absorb the lion's share of the now infrequent indulgence? Mwhahaha. Thanks Siu Hean. Gullible insurance agents and financial advisors are good people to meet for dinners too...if you get the drift. I've almost perfected the fine art of dangling the big CPF investment carrot at just the right distance so that they will throw in dinner.

Ah! Scruples, Scruples. Where for art thou Scruples?

Confessions of a closet patriot

2006-08-09T08:21:00.000-04:00

Among my more critical contemporaries, I often find myself feeling apologetic for being the patriot. Even as they complain about rising costs of living, bureaucracy and a stifling environment, I could never resist the urge to remind them of the many other things we can be thankful for like the peace, prosperity, and opportunities. Perhaps I am the product of successful social-engineering or perhaps I'm not as discerning as my more free-spirted contemporaries, but I do feel that Singapore is a great country to be part of.

Of course, in polite company, it is not entirely cool to profess that I love Singapore but I genuinely feel so tonight. I think I shed a tear just now as I watched NDP with my entire family (the newly shaven dog also). The sense of pride, belonging and unity didn't show up on a survey which asked people if they would die for Singapore...it was felt right there in the living room. It emanated in waves from the google-box as I vicariously partook in the festivities at the National Stadium. It drifted in on the angelic voice of my 5-year old neighbour singing at the top of his voice, "This is my country, these are my friends, this is my future, this is my life". It is in me. I don't have to shout it out all the time, I don't have to sing praises of it everyday, I don't have to pick a fight with someone of a different opinion but tonight, I know for sure that it is there. Deep down in me, the love of my country nestles.

I may not trade blows with someone who says Singapore is a terrible place to live in but on this nostalgic night, I think I'll stop pretending to be cool and actually say it. I LOVE MY COUNTRY. I LOVE SINGAPORE AND HAPPY 41st BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE. Many many more great National Days to come. WORLD PEACE!

A student's life again

2006-08-03T22:37:00.000-04:00

To all the ardent fans (sic)of my blog, I'm so sorry for having left you stranded for the past month but there was really only so much I could blog about my tai-tai routine. Towards the tailend of my semi-retirment lifestlye, I was actually getting quite bored and picked up some really esoteric stuff to read. (Just finished the Geography of Thought by Richard Nisbett...interesting read for those into Western vs Eastern psychology. There was even a meeting of Huntington & Fukuyama at the very end)

School has begun for me and even with the piles of readings to pore through and classes to prepare for, I found time to visit the gym thrice a week and have sandwich lunches on hilltop cafes. It feels good to be gainfully engaged in meaningful activities. I suppose more accounts of my escapades in school will come once lessons start. Does anyone remember that I was "Gossip Central" when I was in school?

I don't suppose my new course mates have found their way into my blog but in case any of you have, I've checked out all the books for next semester so forget about going to the library to pick them up. They happen to be the only copies available. Lectures begin next week. Those who want to be in my research group should indicate their intentions early. Please be informed that you are required to have finished week 2's readings before I consider having you in my group. Anyway, if you want week 2's readings, you'll most probably have to come to me to borrow the book unless you want to pick up the redspot copy for 2 hours.

Peace. Out.

Jewel in the Palace...reloaded

2006-06-28T03:34:00.000-04:00

The ICT-Penange Scrabble competition was a reminder of how rusty I was in the game. Performance during the games was definitely inconsistent. There was a 6-game losing streak and then a 5-game winning streak. Anyway, the main purpose was to train up for the Nationals late July so finishing 20th in a formidable field was not all that bad.

Yes. Yes. To all the people who left tags, I know Da Chang Jin is over and I am quite lost at what to do during 10pm to 11pm in the nights. I got to find a new hobby. To get a fix for my withdrawal symptoms of Da Chang Jin, Mr Cheah recommended that we had dinner at the Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and BBQ restaurant at Takashimaya. Great recommendation. 5 STARS! The whole ginseng chicken cost only $35+++ and came with a whole range of side dishes including of course...KIMCHI! I also ordered a seafood pancake that was simply divine. The whole dinner cost less than $50 and I had the pleasure of stuffing myself silly and still have some left over. BURP.

So it was good that Jarrod worked me hard at the gym today. All the Korean pancake seemed to have been sweated out by the time he was through with me. Couldn't even do my 80th pushup without collapsing on the floor. WEAK.